Day 14: Just-if-i-cations, Part 2

Day 14: Just-if-i-cations, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/hope that ‘just if I’ can manifest my own personal truth into being, then I will be happy/fulfilled/complete, thus not seeing that in order for me to construct my own truth, I would require to deny the actual truth that is right here, already, as me – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘go on a quest’ to find ‘my truth’ and within this totally separate myself from and completely disregard this physical reality as the only real truth, yet I didn’t want to accept this truth because it would mean me ‘facing the truth’ that all the suffering/abuse/madness that is here is equal and one to ME, as who I am, and that the real ‘quest’ is for me to walk a process of self-discovery, breath by breath, in what it is to stand up and take self-responsibility for my creation; for myself as creator of all that is here, as this entire existence, and to within this take each and every point that I have separated myself from and bring it all here, into myself, to stand equal to and one with my creation, transforming it into what is best for all – once and for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the truth of myself in order to perpetuate and project falsities of myself as self-manipulation justifications I designed/created/manifested in order to keep me distracted by and enslaved to energy and chasing after experiences where I tricked myself into ‘feeling alive’ by/through justifying my experiences within my mind – not realizing that to be alive is not a feeling and that no just-if-i-cation can make a feeling real, as a feeling is an elusive, intangible internal movement which comes and goes like the wind blows – thus has no substance/matter/consistency and can therefore change in an instant - a Life that is built on feelings cannot be trusted, only that which is constant, consistent, substantial and stable can be trusted – and even then it must show/reveal through and through that it stands within the principle of what is best for all, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my eyes to deceive me by/through filtering my reality through my mind and believing that the feelings that were generated due to this could be trusted and that they were real, to such an extent that I have manipulated myself to see things in my physical environment that aren’t actually here, to suit my justifications, that ‘just if I’ see it this way, then I will be a winner – thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program competition so vehemently into my being that my want/desire to win could trick my eyes into seeing my reality as if I am already a winner, when it was all just a mirage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on feelings in order to justify and validate my existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny who I am as Life – as already full and complete – and to thus then within this just-if-I that I must seek to ‘find myself’ somewhere ‘out there’ in order to ‘become whole’ and within this believed that I was embarking on a ‘noble path;’ and that I was somehow special for taking this ‘courageous journey’ – not seeing/realizing/understanding that this ‘courageous journey’ was nothing more than a distraction, a diversion tactic of the mind, to deter me from realizing myself HERE, because that would mean I would question things, I would investigate myself and this world and come to see through the veil – see through to the deception that I have accepted and allowed through designing personalities as buffers from reality, because the last thing that I wanted to admit was that I created all that is here and that it is my responsibility to take care of and clean up properly; to see to it that not another being suffers, starves, is abused, is left to die, is disregarded – because that would mean that a part of myself is overlooked, ignored and marginalized – and no justification can make that acceptable in any way, as it is JUST I that is responsible. No one else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to run away from this world, this system, and to justify my wants/desires which were actually only fear – fear of standing up and taking responsibility for my creation – by making it seem as though ‘the system’ was what was evil, and that I must ‘get away’ from the system – thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that JUST I was evil because I scrambled in vain to find a thousand and one excuses while this world was busy crumbling around me, and I refused to hear the countless beings screaming all around me, because I JUST wanted to be happy and have my ‘piece of the pie’

I commit myself to walk out of the personality expression of ‘JUST I’ to walk into my self-expression as ‘JUST ALL’ to include and consider all Life with each breath of myself here, as I see clearly that there is no room for a single justification when my starting point is ‘JUST ALL’ as that single statement is absolute, directive and leaves no room for interpretation.

I commit myself to walk out of the limited ‘I’ that I have existed as, the limited ‘eye’ that I have allowed to blind me from what is real, and instead support myself to become more than I could ever conceive, simply by stopping the justifications, the excuses, the running, and standing up to take responsibility for myself, my world – for existence – as all that is here, and I commit myself to this with gratitude to have this opportunity to dis-cover what happens when a group of self-committed beings stand up together for Life in equality and oneness, and dare to care.

To be continued… 

artwork by Anna Brix Thomsen

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