A Psychologist's Journey to Life

Within this blog I am my own DIY Psychologist - my own Psychological Experiment. Walk with me as I take the 'Psycho' out of 'Logical' & show how we are able to Practically & Commonsensically Walk ourselves out of our illusory Mind & into Physical Reality - here I share the Process of taking Self-Responsibility for each Thought/Word/Deed & thus through Self-Directive Writing transform each 'Mental Disorder' into a Living Solution that is Best for All Life.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Day 46: How to End a Relationship the RIGHT Way

For further support and context in relation to this post, listen to: Atlanteans - Righteousness - Part 35

art by Cameron Cope

I forgive myself that I have NOT accept and allow myself to consider and investigate the pattern that all throughout my Life I have been the one that has ended each of my long-term relationships, not my partners.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that within each relationship that I ended, my starting point was that of self-righteousness within the justification/excuse that my partner was ‘holding me back’ from being ‘who I am’ – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by/through experiencing an energetic sensation of freedom and liberation when ending my long-term relationships due to blaming my partner for how I experienced myself, within the belief that THEY made me feel trapped, stifled, imprisoned, stuck, confined, constricted, caged from my ability to be ‘who I am’ and thus -

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the total separation I was existing within/as during my relationships, and especially and specifically when ending my relationships – not seeing/realizing/understanding that it was me alone that was creating the experience of feeling trapped, stifled, imprisoned, stuck, confined, constricted and caged – but due to resisting facing this, and thus fighting against myself, I externalized my inner-battle, projecting it onto my partner in blame so that I could feel as though I was right in my decision to end the relationship – not wanting to face the fact that I was actually giving up on myself and my ability to be intimate: with myself and with another – to really get to know myself and another unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and attached the words ‘freedom’ and ‘liberation’ to ending a relationship – thus not seeing/realizing/understanding that everything was in reverse, and that what was actually happening in reality was that I was merely further enslaving, imprisoning and separating myself from myself and all of existence within the bubble of self-interest as my mind, so as to generate and perpetuate an illusory energetic experience of being right and blameless in my decision to end my relationships.

I forgive myself that I did NOT accept and allow myself to slow down and consider that I just may be running away from myself when ending my relationships, but to instead build up an entire mountain of excuses/justification/validations as to why it was ‘the best’ to end the relationship, trying/attempting to use the ‘entire mountain’ as proof that I am right – always making sure to place the blame specifically on my partner: they are a fuck up, they are not doing this, they are not doing that, they are holding me back, they are not right for me, they are immature, they are not on my level, they need to get their shit together…always making absolutely sure that I come out on top; that I come out the winner, the ‘good one’, the poor soul that had to endure so much hardship because of my partner’s bullshit - and that my partner better realize what they lost due to fucking around. Within this-

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize what I lost due to fucking around, with myself, as I lost myself – I lost who I am right here - to instead fall into the trap of self-righteousness, wherein I created an entirely false perception of ‘self-empowerment’ and ‘standing up for myself’ – not seeing/realizing/understanding that this experience of ‘heavenly bliss’ that I would experience after ending a relationship was actually me in total separation from the hell and damnation that I had consequentially created for myself, because I was in total separation from LIFE, trapped in a loop of feelings and emotions and energetic experiences that I required to constantly feed so as to remain on my self-righteous pedestal. NOT seeing/realizing/understanding that due to my tenacious want/desire to be right, I had lost my right to Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my point of self-responsibility for what I alone had accepted and allowed within my relationships, as my ability to ACTUALLY empower and stand up for myself, by/through not allowing myself to take shit from myself and step into my mind-trap, but instead to consider myself and my partner within a self-honest assessment, and to make a decision that is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully see/realize/understand that any fighting/battling that occurred between my partners and I was only a manifest consequence of the internal fight and battle I was in within myself due to wanting/desiring to be right, to have things ‘my way,’ to justify ‘who I am,’ to try to exert power and control over my relationship because I was in no way in control of myself within my SELF-relationship, because I in no way really knew ‘who I am’ – as I in no way was the directive principle of my reactions. Within this –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and battle with my partners because I actually had no clue who I was, and I was in no way willing to get a clue in regards to what the core/source/origin was of my reactions, so simply continued separating myself from myself further and further – which manifested and compounded extensive fear within me - such that I refused to look at what I alone had created as a consequence of my self-denial and inability to have the courage to stand up and take self-responsibility by/through facing my acceptances and allowances – my fear – so instead projecting this all onto my partners within self-righteousness, generating a positive experience within myself to cover up the fact that I was actually being moved by the negative friction of fear: the fear of facing myself, getting to know myself, and ultimately CHANGING MYSELF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that relationships should generally be based on positive and good feelings, and that if they aren’t – something is wrong – and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to get out of relationships when ‘the going gets tough’ – yet, never questioning the overall starting point within my relationships and how time and time again the positive and good feelings would eventually run out, which is when I would run out – yet I did not accept and allow myself to directly see this pattern due to the entire mountain of excuses that I allowed to impede my view of actual reality and keep me contained within my comfort-zone belief that my actions were right and just, and it was due to my partner that the relationship had to end, and that that is ‘just the way it goes’ – accepting breaking up as an acceptable and normal part of Life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to communicate effectively with my partners to express how I am actually experiencing myself, but to instead fester and stew in blame and resentment, distancing myself further and further – battling within myself – yet believing that my experience was the fault of my partner and thus I must get away – not seeing/realizing/understanding that I am the only one responsible for how I experience myself – and that I can NEVER get away from myself: no matter where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing.

I commit myself to – through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application – investigate the core/source/origin of the reactions I have allowed within my relationships, in detail – to thus then REALLY get to know myself as what I have created through the consequence of NOT getting to know myself, but instead allowing my mind to be the directive principle of my Life.

I commit myself to REALLY get to know myself such that when a pattern emerges within myself, I am able to ‘name the game’ and call the patterns as it is – and thus no longer allow myself to automatically participate in mind-patterns, but instead re-direct and re-define each pattern that I have created to only be patterns that are best for all Life.

I commit myself to never allow anything other than what is best for all to be the guiding principle of my relationships/agreements – at all points, and in all ways – and thus commit myself to never end a relationship based on an energetic reaction of any kind.

I commit myself to: when and as I see myself wanting/desiring to be right – I stop, I breathe – and I immediately let go of this want/desire within the realization that I am trying/attempting to win within an energetic possession – I let go of the possession before it even becomes a possession, and instead assess the moment practically to thus then only allow communication that is within what is best for all.

I commit myself to establish and build relationships/agreements ONLY in regards to what is physically practical and thus DO NOT accept and allow myself to base relationships/agreements on feelings, as I see clearly that feelings are not trustworthy or dependable, and thus, obviously – when I base ANYTHING on feelings, I am equal and one to being untrustworthy and not dependable.

I commit myself to get off of my high horse of self-righteousness and come back down to Earth with my two feet firmly on the ground so as to take self-responsibility for ALL that arises with myself to ensure that I direct all that arises within what is best for all – by/through establishing a clear and directive SELF-relationship wherein I agree to ensure that all decisions, all movements, all relationships are aligned to what is best for all and not a single shred of Self-Interest is allowed.

I commit myself to give up my Life of Self-Interest to stand for and as what is Best for All Life, as I see/realize/understand that unless I give up my ENTIRE ‘LIFE’ – I cannot and will not be able to receive the Right to LIFE.