A Psychologist's Journey to Life

Within this blog I am my own DIY Psychologist - my own Psychological Experiment. Walk with me as I take the 'Psycho' out of 'Logical' & show how we are able to Practically & Commonsensically Walk ourselves out of our illusory Mind & into Physical Reality - here I share the Process of taking Self-Responsibility for each Thought/Word/Deed & thus through Self-Directive Writing transform each 'Mental Disorder' into a Living Solution that is Best for All Life.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Day 65: Mind & Body - A Revolutionary Step - Part 2, Hair

This writing is within a series that begin with yesterday’s post:

Day 64: Mind & Body - A Revolutionary Step - Part 1, Overview

In relation to this EQAFE interview: How Energy and Money benefit from our Physical-Separation

Excerpt from yesterday’s post:

So, herewith I begin my Self-Forgiveness process in relation to my physical body and all the parts/manifestation/organs which I judge/prefer/resist/like/dislike/etc. – all of these experiences which I have created/generated/perpetuated in separation from myself as a physical being, here on this physical Earth – in equality and oneness – to instead enslave myself to the illusory nature of the mind/consciousness/energy, completely ignorant to the consequences that have manifested due to this disregard of Life and what is Best for all Life, as myself.

I will begin this series ‘from the top’ and work my way down through all parts of my human physical body: to the tips of my toes – bringing all the pieces of myself, both as mind and body, back together again in equality and oneness: step by step, breath by breath – no matter how long it takes.

HAIR, Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in my hair, and thus placed value in hair in general - especially within comparison to others, in regards to what I have believed/perceived to be ‘the best looking hair’ – beliefs/perceptions which I have programmed and integrated into myself through what I saw presented on TV, in movies, in magazines, in advertisements, in beauty salons and what I heard others speaking about in relation to ‘the best hair’ and ‘the best hairstyles’ within and throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the emphasis placed on hair and hairstyles is rooted in sex and money, as an equal and one point of want/desire – wherein, hair is used as a point of manipulation in order to either get a relationship and/or as a way to get an income to survive in a world system where self-image and appearance is valued over who we are as Life.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to ever question why the hair atop my head was necessary to place value in, but instead gave my hair attention because that’s what I saw others doing, and thus did the same to fit in – not seeing/realizing/understanding that from a young age I was already being primed and priming myself to fit into the world system of survival, where how I physically look has a major impact on whether or not I am able to fluidly move and integrate into the system successfully.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have not always given value to my hair, in that as a child I did not care what my hair looked like, and would allow it to get tangled and messy while I played, and did not judge myself for the way it looked – within this I realize that the importance I placed on how my hair looked only came after some years of programming from my mom, as she would brush my hair, and place barrettes in it and scold me for it being ‘a rat’s nest’ that was hard to brush and keep ‘tame’ - as well as from the television shows and cartoons that I would watch which placed emphasis on girls’ hair and general appearance – as well as my older siblings and friends whom I watched do their hair, and value their hair, and thus I began to mimic the way I saw ‘hair’ being approach in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my hair to the hair I had as a child: thick, blonde and curly – and to within this thus then become nostalgic about how my hair used to look, and to ‘yearn’ for my hair to be like it was when I was child, before it straighten, become thinner, and darker – thus, I forgive myself that I have throughout my life accepted and allowed to constantly and continuously separate myself from the hair atop my head, by/through judging it as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in relation to whatever style I was interested in at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that changing my hairstyle could actually change who I am as a being – and that I never questioned this through my life, but just kept changing my hairstyle, even when I had dreadlocks, I would cut bangs in the front, or add a bead, or find a new way to style them – within this I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to see/realize/understand that the positive experience I would initially have when changing my hairstyle would always fade, and I would inevitably be back to the reality of myself when the energy ran out, which I wouldn’t allow myself to face for long, but would almost immediately find something else, some other experience to preoccupy myself with so as to not have to see what spiteful delusion I was continuously trapping myself in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thick hair is better than thin hair within the belief that thick hair is easier to manage because it doesn’t get messed up and flattened as easy as thin hair – within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others negatively for having thin, flat hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and others positively for having thick, voluminous hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my life, be jealous of people who have thick, voluminous hair, and to within this resentment try/attempt to find flaws in the rest of their physical body so as to make myself feel better about experiencing myself inferior to their hair/hairstyle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the limitation of preference, wherein I am not simply here as Life, equal and one to and as all that is here, as myself – no polarity - but instead accepting and allowing myself to separate my reality into what I like and what I don’t like, and thus from this accordingly developing multiple personalities and experiences of myself in relation to these personality preferences, and allowing these personality preferences to dictate how I move myself in my world/reality: a total puppet to preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my life, experience myself differently in regards to whether or not I felt as though I was having a ‘good hair day’ or a ‘bad hair day’ and actually let this influence how I interacted with my world/reality – wherein I would be more expressive and open when I felt as though my hair looked ‘good’ and more snappy/grumpy/closed off when I felt my hair looked ‘bad.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my life, experience myself differently - either positive/negative - if/when I would get compliments for my hair, or if someone would tell me that my hair didn't look good - and from this interaction go on either feeling good about myself, or feeling bad about myself - never questioning where this good/bad feeling came from, and that it was in fact a preprogrammed design I was enslaved to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was younger, cry and get upset when I got a haircut that I didn’t like, and to within this believe that ‘my world had crumbled’ and ‘what will people think of me’ – thus placing value in what I thought others might be thinking about me, and to already make up in my mind what they were saying, not seeing/realizing/understanding that this was what I was saying to MYSELF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality out of the false belief that: ‘I don’t care what my hair looks like. It doesn’t bother me’ – and thus within this deliberately spiting myself by/through not taking proper care of my hair within a point of self-intimate consideration and practical common sense – but instead, throughout my life, going long periods of time without brushing it, or washing it; or hiding it under some kind of hat or scarf – and within this believing that I was ‘going against’ societal norms of how hair ‘should’ look, especially for women – not at all acknowledging how I was actually experiencing myself in relation to my hair, and how I constantly backchatted about it, and constantly would look or wanted to look in a mirror to see if it was ‘okay’ in relation to whatever set standard I had at the time.

I commit myself to stop any and all judgment I have placed on hair in any way whatsoever and simply allow myself to see it for what it is – hair atop one’s head – and thus within this common sense consideration I commit myself to care for my hair in a self-intimate, practical manner.

I commit myself to stop the addiction I have accumulated throughout my life of looking in the mirror to check my hair, or moreover my body in general, and I instead assist/support myself to utilize mirrors for practical purposes of checking my body/clothing/hair to see if everything is simply in place. I also commit myself to utilize mirrors to check to see what backchat arises and thus then within this properly direct the backchat/judgments/reactions with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application until no more backchat/judgments/reactions arise in any way, but it’s just me simply standing before me, looking at the reflection of me – equal and one.

To be continued – wherein I will write about my experiences having dreadlocks, having a bald head and more…