A Psychologist's Journey to Life

Within this blog I am my own DIY Psychologist - my own Psychological Experiment. Walk with me as I take the 'Psycho' out of 'Logical' & show how we are able to Practically & Commonsensically Walk ourselves out of our illusory Mind & into Physical Reality - here I share the Process of taking Self-Responsibility for each Thought/Word/Deed & thus through Self-Directive Writing transform each 'Mental Disorder' into a Living Solution that is Best for All Life.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day 113: Where were You in This Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I am at a point of change which requires a decision to be made, limit myself by/through accessing The Confusion Character wherein I go into a state of confusion and thus overwhelmingness in regards to what I should do, and experience myself as bombarded by all the potential options/choices/avenues that I could take, especially when previous options/choices/avenues shift and thus certain points are no longer relevant within the new moment’s context – and thus within this render myself immobilized, instead of pushing myself to slow myself down, breathe and practically-physically place all the options/choices/avenues before me in a commonsensical manner, to thus then make a decision and move myself within that decision absolute, no matter what arises, or what shifts: I am here, stable, standing as the ultimate decision as self-commitment to always and in all ways place myself in a position that is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, due to missing a breath, immediately allow a character to step in to breathe for me – thus sabotaging my ability to in each moment trust myself to make breath by breath decisions that are best for all Life, wherein not a single memory is required, as everything is able to be accessed HERE unconditionally: nothing to hold on to, everything to let go of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in The Confusion Character, even when I have seen clearly the road that this character takes me down - in that, each and every time I follow this character, I fall into the same hole – which is the dark pit of giving up on myself, giving into the confusion, wherein I generate a state of: I don’t know what to do! Which is a brilliant self-manipulation tactic to generate energy as an emotional reaction which builds character from the foundation of FEAR – I realize and have seen with absolute clarity that I can never give up on myself, I always climb out of the hole – yet, I do indeed fall back into the hole – so, the question here is: when will I stop going down this same road, falling in this same hole? When will I, when at the cross roads, make the decision: I have seen where that road takes me – I will not go down that one again! The answer to this question is astoundingly simple: I will stop falling into the same hole, when I make the decision to stop falling into the same hole – because, I am the one that decides, no one else put that hole there but me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the experience of falling into the same hole over and over is indicating that I am caught in a timeloop, traversing the same memories over and over and thus showing me that I haven’t yet actually made an absolute decision that stands the test of time in relation to who I am, who I will be and what I will and will not accept and allow – and thus, these holes are merely reminders of the limitations I have created for myself, where I still have holes in my application and commitment to myself and Life as myself – thus, I see how these holes are actually supporting me, for the moment, in specifying my process and showing me directly where I am still not trusting myself that I am able to LIVE without memories, without reLIEing on the mind in any way whatsoever – as I see clearly that I still have yet to have LIVED in any way, because I am still reLIEing on memories to make decisions, and thus a Liar I will be until a Liar I am not: again, astoundingly simple – I am the one that decides – and until I stop lying 100% in all dimensions, I will be a liar 100% in all dimensions; which then furthermore means until I trust myself 100%, I will be 100% untrustworthy: ouch, the direct no frills stark truth that self-honesty brings cuts right to the core – I cannot deny this, and thus instead humble myself here.

This brings up a point from earlier today: I wrote a response on Facebook to someone in relation to my post from yesterday – Day 112: The Time Has Come, which I see here is quite relevant in this context, as it was a response to the question – why is everyone in such a rush? Of which I replied:

You tell me. Is that what you see? Everyone includes you, so just ask yourself and you'll have the answer.

Response: But I'm not in a rush. It seems everyone is in a rush to accomplish everything at break neck speed. They feel by a certain age they should have acquired certain things (house, marriage, raise, promotion, titles etc. No one wants to breathe!!

My reply: Yes – and it is through seeing the rush in ourselves, seeing how we have lived rushing as ourselves - that we're able to understand why it is in this world and thus through this: stand as examples of what it is and will take to slow down, stop, breathe, and no longer accept and allow a world where we are so busy chasing after illusions that we have been told we should want/have/obtain, that we fail to see the consequence of our disregard - no one wants to breathe because breathing doesn't FEEL GOOD, it doesn't give us a RUSH of energy - at the moment, to breathe and face what is here in self-honesty is painful and takes guts, most would rather keep 'living' a lie, even when they see the abuse it causes, than to give up what was never real to take responsibility in creating a world that is best for all Life HERE, because that would mean admitting that we are equal and one to the atrocity that is here - so we keep rushing to deny this, keep ourselves busy, busy, busy - keep ourselves buying things, buying relationships, buying time, buying buying buying while this world goes bye bye and finally all that we've been chasing will come to a screeching halt at death - when we stand before ourselves, as our life and what we've accepted and allowed flashes before us, and we must answer the real questions: where were you in this life? What have you done of significance? Why did you not create a world that is best for all? What have you left behind for the children?

So, cool to see these words reflected back to me, wherein I have aligned my words in this response to support myself here with working with this point, which really just shows how crucial it is to share ourselves openly – to be humble and gift ourselves the ability to assist each other, as ourselves - to ask questions, to get to a stance of clarity both for ourselves and for others – equal and one.

* as I was going to place this post, I saw a quote which works here to further elucidate this point:

"Use words to reflect on oneself in self honesty -- who am I as the living word, and process will be much easier" - Bernard Poolman

I have seen this pattern of rushing within/as myself throughout most of my life thus far, and this is especially and specifically when a decision is required to be made, when I am at the precipice of change – and within this I want instant gratification, I want instant results, I want to be IN CONTROL, I want to KNOW that everything is in its proper place, I do NOT want to be patient and thus walk the point through step by step, breath by breath to ensure that each point/step is placed with grounded deliberate precision in making sure and CARING about myself that I am not compromising myself in any way – No way! I want to run right through the point to get to the finish line, like a bull in a china cabinet – and thus, indeed: I have made quite a mess of the opportunities in my life, and even more so have made myself too busy, busy, busy trying/attempting to manifest MY wants/desires to really consider what is going on in REALITY and thus what I am doing here in this ONE LIFE I have been unconditionally given to make an actual impact that is beyond my little boxes, little boxes in my head where I trap myself in FEAR - fear of actually standing up and taking responsibility to clean up my mess, to clean up these little boxes, little boxes - so as to create a world that is best for all, as I see clearly and have repeated this point many times: there's NOTHING else to do here!

Thus, in the posts to follow I will write this point out in more detail – placing the necessary and specific self-forgiveness and self-corrective application within self-commitment statements, to really fill the holes and change my direction to that of LIVING HERE in self-trust and stability as the self-directive principle within what is best for all Life, and no longer running buck-wild, stupid-blind headfirst into these self-sabotage holes wherein I ensure that I always remain limited, confused, running away and thus miss myself and all of Life: HERE.

To be continued…