* I will fail
* I won’t get enough sleep / I will be in a perpetual state of tiredness
* I won’t have any time to relax and for instance read some blogs or watch an episode of a series
* Not having enough money to pay for college and survive
* My process and ability to move through points, specifically in writing, slowing down
* Won’t be able to write daily
* Getting sick and missing a day(s) of class/work
* Falling behind – in class, work, paying bills, and process --> process = ratings, emails, chats, DIP, buddying, developing/moderating courses, EQAFE interviews, committees, reading blogs, writing blogs, and so on
* I will fail
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing to keep up with my daily schedule BEFORE I have even practically-physically walked the point, providing myself with the necessary time to adjust myself as a simple point of self-care and common sense understanding of what I am walking myself into, and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/generate/perpetuate a continuous point of separation from what is in fact HERE, as if I must ‘keep up’ with some external point, as ‘my daily schedule’ – as if ‘my daily schedule’ is some force that is pulling me along and that I must ‘keep up with’ but I am always, despairingly ‘just out of reach’ of, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with this experience so as to ensure that I am never HERE, walking stable and consistent, but am instead always – however subtle it may be: fearing that I’m ‘not going to make it’, or ‘I’m not going to get there’ – thus not even stopping to consider where this ‘there’ is, and what this ‘it’ is and thus then what ‘getting there’ and ‘making it’ would imply, and thus then not asking myself why am I fearing something that I don’t even have an understanding of?
Therefore, I forgive myself for simply fearing my own self-created fear as a way to distract myself from doing what is required to be done, as a point of self-aware self-movement within the absolute consideration of what is best for ALL Life - which bluntly exposes the pure self-interest of fear, as I have created this fear, especially in the sense of ‘making things bigger than what they actually are’ so as to create the experience of being haunted by some humongous monster – as a deliberate action to keep myself limited, stifled, subdued, and…A FAILURE! as if this fear is an valid excuse to just remain only within a seriously restrained version of myself.
Therefore, I commit myself to live in every moment the realization that, although there is change that is happening in my world/reality, it is nothing at all to fear in any way whatsoever, as I am able to stand equal to that change in a way that is simplistic, in that I do what is here to do in each breath that I breathe purely because it is HERE as who I am in a moment of expression of my creation that I commit myself to stand equal and one to, and thus take responsibility for in every way –
And thus, within this I commit myself to – when and as I see myself manipulating myself within the misleading experience of fear, I immediately stop and breathe and realize that it I am not actually afraid of anything – AT ALL – but that I am in fact holding on to my own self-interest and thus creating the experience of resistance to change because what’s actually going on is that there is something that I am not willing to give up; there is a desire that I have that I am hoping to manifest that I don’t want to let go of completely if I were to actually change for real, and so – instead of facing this directly, I have made it look like fear, essentially because it is more socially acceptable to admit fear of change than to admit that we don’t want to fucking change ourselves in a way that we SEE CLEARLY would be the benefit of not only ourselves but ALL LIFE, because we WANT and DESIRE something for ourselves instead – and thus I commit myself to, when and as these moments arise – stop, breathe – and ask myself in a direct and no bullshit manner: what is it that I am not willing to give up? What the fuck is it? And I will not stop investigating until I have answered this question to a point of full clarity, and subsequently corrected myself in giving up that which I believing I am not willing to give up, because I realize and see clearly that I will require to GIVE EVERYTHING up in order to RECEIVE EVERYTHING, as a common sense point: give as you would like to receive.
I commit myself to live the realization and thus stand as the living example that this entire world and all that has EVER been created was ALL a failure from the moment of inception – and thus I commit myself to show that we are ALL failures because not a single solitary one of us has EVER had the guts to stop being such a self-interested fucker and dare to create a world that is best for ALL LIFE – therefore, I stand to break the failure chain and change myself into a being that no longer fails to see what is required to be done to bring about a self and a world that really cares – through and through – where not a single being is left out of the equation, because I realize and see clearly that to leave a single being out of the equation means a total and utterly epic failure of grand proportions - I mean, it just takes looking around for a moment at what is already HERE - take a gander at the daily news and all that you will see if an epic failure of who we are as humanity as a whole.
So, I see clearly there is nothing else to do but no longer accept and allow myself to be LURED into the fa la la land of faiLURE, and to instead GET REAL, for REAL, for ALL.
To be continued without fail…