This post is specifically a
continuation from yesterday’s post:
Which is in relation to the list of backchat that I wrote
out on Day
166: Can You LIVE with Voices in Your Head? in regards to the recent change
in my daily schedule.
And is also within a series of posts I have written
within this same point – the recent change in my daily schedule - on the Fear
Dimension as well as the Thought Dimension. Thus, for the purpose of context,
suggest reading these posts (especially the post from yesterday) – if you
haven’t already – prior to reading this post below:
Fear Dimension -
Thought Dimension –
Backchat
* I don’t think I’m going to be able to do
this
* I totally got this – no problem
* I don’t know if I can handle this new
schedule – it’s just too much
* No, it’s not too much, it’ll work out,
you’ll see
* Man, this
schedule compared to my previous schedule makes what I was doing before a
fucking cake-walk
* What the fuck was
I even doing before?
* How am I possibly
going to be able to juggle this job and school and do well in both? I probably
won’t even have time to volunteer
* I have to start
volunteering NOW if I’m going to get into grad school
* I’m probably
going to be tired all the time
* I hope I’m able
to get enough sleep
* Fuck, I’m tired
right now – I wanna sleep right now!
* Oh shit, I don’t
want to look like a fucking zombie with bloodshot eyes with huge bags under
them walking around
* What am I going
to do if I run out of money?
* I don’t want to
have to ask for any more assistance from anyone
* I can do this on
my own
* Oh shit, I’m
going into so much debt – how am I ever going to pay all this debt off?!
* I’m never going
to have any time to just relax and do what I want to do – those days are over
* I cannot miss a
day of writing! No way!
* I hope it doesn’t
take me forever to write out just one point because I don’t have sufficient
time daily and have to split my writing up into multitudinous parts – this is
going to slow down my entire process
* If I’m not able
to keep up with the blogs, vlogs, interviews, EQAFE uploads and chats happening
on a consistent basis, I’m not going to have regular access to fresh insights
and perspectives in regards to where we are in process and won’t be up to date
with the direction we are moving in as a group and will surely fall behind
* Oh shit, I’m not
used to NOT being ‘in the know’ at all times with what’s happening with the
group
* I don’t think I’m
going to have time to do my DIP lessons/assignments
* I hope I don’t
get sick, that would fuck everything up and I’d fall behind and potentially
lose my job and miss important classes
* I don’t think
I’m going to be able to do this
* I totally got
this – no problem
* I don’t know if
I can handle this new schedule – it’s just too much
* No, it’s not too
much, it’ll work out, you’ll see
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘I’m not going to be
able to handle this’ and ‘I don’t know if I can handle this new schedule – it’s
just too much’ – BEFORE I had even practically-physically walked my new
schedule for any real length of time as a point of common sense self-care;
within the realization that this would then enable me to make a clear, stable,
properly evaluated decision in terms of whether or not I had indeed taken on
too much; and thus then whether or not I was or was not in fact able to walk
this new schedule - as I, at this point, have actually walked this new schedule
in a realistic manner to the extent that the decisions that I make based on my
schedule are from a direct-seeing and physically-lived experience where I have seen
for myself what I am really able to take on to ensure that I am not
compromising myself in any way but am continuing to enable myself to expand and
push myself beyond my threshold as comfort zone of what I am and am not able to
do, which I now see clearly is – when I accept and allow it – only limited to
specific personality traits that I have concocted within and throughout my life
as a point of character building – yet, I now realize it was all only in order
to keep myself contained to a certain, rigid set of movements, expressions and
stunted structure which I deem are ‘who I am’ and thus –
when I am faced with new information that challenges who I am, I just
immediately react and state: NO, as a nonsensical and absurdly ludicrous way to
try/attempt to ‘take the edge off’ so I can hopefully bide my time in putting
off any potential change that may alter my preconceived perception of myself
and actually build a real being of integrity instead of just a character that
is playing-out the same tired script over and over yet foolishly believing that
‘this is what it’s all about.’
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider and realize that when and as I start a sentence, especially when it is in regards to a practical assessment that I am investigating and considering, and furthermore when and as this sentence is being spoken about me, WITHIN ME - with: I DON’T THINK I’M… - this statement is in that moment immediately blaring evidence that I am about to base my ability to do something on what my fickle thoughts of failure are telling me and not on what is REAL and able to be physically measured, calculated and tested to determine its in-fact ‘doableness’.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider and realize that when and as I start a sentence, especially when it is in regards to a practical assessment that I am investigating and considering, and furthermore when and as this sentence is being spoken about me, WITHIN ME - with: I DON’T THINK I’M… - this statement is in that moment immediately blaring evidence that I am about to base my ability to do something on what my fickle thoughts of failure are telling me and not on what is REAL and able to be physically measured, calculated and tested to determine its in-fact ‘doableness’.
“What will it take, for Man to Hear their own Thoughts, to Hear their own Words, to Hear their own World System, to Hear their History, to Hear their Life on Earth and to See what it Created as HERE, as this Moment, as Now, as Actual, Physical, Reality?” ~ excerpt from the strongly-recommended Creation’s Journey to Life post - Day 179: AfterDeath Communication - Part 28
I now see, realize, understand and have physically proven to myself that it was only by/through me silencing these thoughts - both positive and negative - specifically through the process of writing as self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements then taken to a practical-physical correction that I have already walked thus far, wherein I supported myself in coming back down to Earth to ground myself in breathing through the initial shockwave of my new daily schedule - that I was actually able to walk my new schedule HERE in self-responsibility, to thus make a measurable assessment, which I am currently still walking in regards to ‘ironing out the kinks’ and really taking a look at what I am able to take on, and what I am able to let go of without any sort of emotional/feeling-based energetic reaction attached to it – which I see clearly, if I hadn’t already been walking this point of self-supportive writing in regards to this, would have been much more difficult and arduous.
Thus, I commit myself to continue to show myself and others, through sharing my process in writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and standing as an example – how I was able and am still in the process of enabling myself to Earth-myself and walk this point through in a practical-physical manner that has actually already proven to facilitate my self-expansion and self-discipline in directly revealing to me what it is to follow-through and persevere simply by sticking to the basics of breathing, self-investigation, self-writing, self-responsibility and self-intimacy as self-into-me-I-see: in not allowing myself to just simply accept what is thrown at me by my mind as if it is valid, but to instead get to know myself, specifically through HEARING/HEREING these thoughts as backchat – to stand equal to these words inside of me, to investigate why I have, within and throughout my life, accepting this form of insanity and self-diminishment to direct me; why I have created these voices in my head to talk me into or out of each situation I find myself in – so that I can, through this process of ‘man know thyself’, take my life back into my own hands, as I have seen through the lies once and for all and thus am no longer moved by a single thought, but am 100% the self-directive principle, no longer influenced by anything/anyone, but directly here to move AS the universe – equal and one – with each breath in absolute self-trust AS absolute self-trust, which is beyond any concept of self-trust, but is the actual living expression thereof.
And thus, from here on out – when and as I see myself in a situation of/as a change in my daily schedule wherein I am not longer able to say with certainty that I am able to walk all of my responsibilities practically – I first stop and breathe – bring myself back HERE, and do not accept nor allow myself to make any decisions until I have practically walked the point for a given/allotted period of time which will be assessed in self-honesty and deliberate consideration of all the potential outflows and consequences that this change in my new schedule may manifest – this, so I am able to curtail any unnecessary consequences and take self-responsibility for any and all play-outs that occur along the way simply because I was HERE within the entire process as decision-making and am thus able to direct each point in a stable manner as an actual fully-integrated expression of myself moving myself in what is required without emotions or feelings, but only with mathematical breath by breath precision within what is best for all Life.
Backchat list to continue in the following posts, stay tuned…
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