Monday, February 4, 2013
Day 297: Working with my own Selection of Consequences
So I see that I have created a timeloop for myself specifically in relation to the daily act of writing a blog. This time I compromised myself in regards to writing out the point I started about Selection by Consequence which I began a few days ago. The day I wrote the first post in the series it was already quite late, around 11pm when I finally was able to sit down and give myself the time to write. I didn’t know what I was going to write about so I just picked what I had read about that day for my Behaviorism class which was Selection by Consequence because I had starred and highlighted a few points which I found interesting so figured I could probably write some blog-posts on it.
There was a fleeting moment where I stopped and asked myself if this was a cool move since I really didn’t understand the material yet, especially in terms of relating the material to my process in any sort of significant way, and since I had other exams coming in other classes which I required to study for I wouldn’t be able to dedicate the time to study the material specifically for my blogs on top of that – yet, in that moment, I honed in on how tired I was and how I simply wanted to ‘write something’ so I could post my blog and rest, as I had to get up early the next day as well – so I suppressed that voice and went on with my writing and posting and was basically relieved when it was all done and I could ‘finally rest.’
But I never really rested, actually. I laid horizontally in my bed for a few hours as the symbolic representation of what ‘resting’ looks like, but it was not a real, physical, substantial resting – because my mind has been quite awake through it all, as that one moment of not listening to myself, of not caring about myself to really slow down and consider all the factors involved in this decision to write on this topic – sent me on quite a stressful journey as I have been experiencing myself scrambling to keep up with my responsibilities and each day, moreover each day after Day 295, so the last few days - it’s been a bit overwhelming in my world, as this topic has been ‘looming’ over me, an entity I created which has been reminding me that I’m not yet clear and I better get clear and when will I have the time to sit down and get clear because I’m out of my depth in writing on this topic of which I have not yet walked, we have not yet discussed the second and third consequences after natural selection in class and so there are still many holes in my understanding…and so on. Which is precisely why I started yesterday’s post on cognitive dissonance, as that experience of being ‘torn’ inside myself has been quite prominent.
Yet, what I must be clear with for myself is that it is not actually this point that is the ‘issue’ – this is merely a catalyst that has provoked the point that requires direction to the surface. I realize there are deeper things going on here and other stresses and anxieties that I’m experiencing as well in terms of various life decisions that require to be made of which I have not been addressing effectively – specifically in realizing that I can’t work everything out in one moment but that certain points, to do properly, take time and deliberation to align in the best way possible. Ah ha! Patience rears its head – that’s definitely a biggie for me – well, more like IMPATIENCE, with myself, with others, with everything, with the world, more myself though, but because of this I project it onto everything and everyone else.
Alright, so I’m slowing down here again – breathing, caring, hearing myself out.
Selection by Consequence series will be going on hiatus, as I’ve got to work with my own consequences that I have selected, lol. Man, it’s soooo important to keep it real with myself! I have not been here with and for myself the past few days and it’s definitely taken a toll.
I’ve got a statistics exam tomorrow which is extensive shit, so I’ve got to get back to studying and supporting myself with some real rest, not just the horizontal imposter of rest so my mind can regenerate and upgrade itself.
I will continue working with these points tomorrow…
In the meantime, you can check out the series on Selection by Consequence I started:
#connecticut #teamlife 1984 2012 21 days 23andme 4 contingencies 4 count breath 7 year process 80s a roof over our head ABA abominable abortion abuse abusive families abusive relationships academic jargon academics acting activation level activism activist actress adam curtis adam lanza adderall addicted to attention addiction adhd adjusting to a sick world adjustment admitting that you don't know adolescence adolescence and developmental psychology adolescent rebellion and developmental psychology adrenaline adult adventure agent smith aggression aggression breeds aggression aggressive behavior aging agouti gene agouti mice agreement agreements alarm clock alchemy alcyone alex grey alex grey artwork algebraic expression alive allen ginsberg ally aloofness Alzheimer's disease am I a product of my environment? am i being manipulated? am I real? amnesia amygdala an infant learning to walk anarchism anarchy angel angelicans ani difranco animal experimentation animal husbandry animal testing annoyance annoyed anorexia anthony burgess anthony kiedis anti-drug antibiotic resistance anxiety anxious anxiousness anything is possible apathetic apathy appearance applied behavior analysis are we really powerless? are we there yet? are you getting paid enough? as within so without ascension asceticism ashes to ashes atheism Attention audience auditory hallucinations aversive control aversive therapy avoiding punishment awareness awkwardness B.F.Skinner baby baby names back to the basics backchat bacterial infection bad experiences baggy eyes baking balancing your budget bald bald head barefoot bashar battle Baumrind bbc be the change be the change you want to see beat generation becoming an artist bedouin beginning and end behavior behavior analysis behavior analysis and learning behavior modification behavioral analysis behavioral control behavioral laws behavioral neuroscience behavioral research behaviorism being against the system being discovered being rational belief belief perseverance belly of the beast bernard poolman bernardpoolman best for all best kept secret BF Skinner bible big decisions big pharma biological control biological laws biological psychology biology birth blame blaming institutions blankness blind hope blind spot blindly accepting knowledge bliss blissful ignorance blogging bloodshot eyes bob marley Bodhidharma Bodhisattva body body image body language bones boobs booing boy bra brain brain development brainwashing brave new world bravery breaking the chains of the past breaking the piggy bank breaking up breakup breasts breath breathing breathing through distractions broke and in college buck wild Buddha Buddhism buffalo state university building a name building character bullies bullying burnout butterflies in the stomach butterfly transformation california cape capitalism captitalism care career and personality career choices career path carrot on a stick cartesian theater cartoons cause and effect celebrity gossip cell in the body of humanity central nervous system century of the self chan change change in daily schedule change the world changing chanting characer character character acting character building character building techniques character collection character creation character development character-creation characters charlatan chasing my tail chaucer cheating cheating on tests cheering chemical dependency cherish the good times child child abuse child behavior child development child psychology childhood childhood fear childhood memories children children's games chili peppers chirstmas choosing a career choosing a field of study chris hedges chromosomes chronic pain CIA agent circular reasoning civilization clandestine operations clapping classic american family classical conditioning cleanse clocks clockwork orange clothing coca cola and santa claus coco rosie coercion coercion and its fallout coercive control coercive techniques coffee cognition cognitive dissonance cognitive neuroscience cognitive psychology collapse college college student comfort commitment commitment to writing common sense reasoning communication communication in relationships comparing myself to the past comparision comparison competition compost toilets compromise con conditioning confederate confirmation confirmation bias conflict conflict management conflict resolution confused state confusion connecticut school shooting 2012 connor conscience conscious mind consciousness consequence consequences consistency constantly changing my mind consumerism contamination contingencies control controlled by fear controlled by money conundrum coping mechanisms correlation and causation correlation does not equal causation corrupt education system counterculture counterthreat counting coins courage court stenographer covert coworkers craver create created creation creation's journey to life creative writing creator criminal behavior criminal minds criminals crisis management critical thinking cross roads cross-country trip crucifixion crucify cry me a river cult cult behavior cults cure curing illness curiosity curiosity killed the cat curious dad daily writing dancing danger zone daniel dennett daniel reisberg darwin darwinian dating dead dead head dealing with death dealing with pain dealing with stress dealing with trauma death death defying death of a child deathbed debt collectors decision decision making decision making process deeds deep processing deer caught in the headlights defeat defense mechanisms delicate balance delivering newspapers delusion dementia democracy demon demon possession demonic possession depression derren brown desire desire for attention desire for success desire to be smart desteni desteni #teamlife desteni cult desteni eqafe desteni farm desteni forum desteni i process desteni message destonian destonians destroying the earth desure determination determinism developing effective study habits developing self-trust developmental psychology deviant behavior devleopmental psychology diagnostic and statistical manual dictatorship dieting diets difficult dimensional shift dimensions DIP DIP Lite director dirty dis-ease disappointment disciple discomfort Discover Magazine disease displeasure dissidence diversion tactics divinity divorce DIY genetic testing DNA DNA activation DNA is not destiny do I have a psychological disorder? documentary does god exist does heaven exist? dominant domination don't go too far from home don't shoot the dog donna summer doomsday dorm room Doubt dreadlocks dreads dream drifter drinking alcohol drinking beer drive thru drive-thru driving dropping out of college drowning drug addict drug addiction drugs DSM DSM IV DTC genetic testing dungeon earth earth science easily distracted eat eating disorder economic solutions economics economy education education system effective studying techniques Effectiveness efficiency over accuracy ego egypt elementary knowledge elements elite embrace emergency tool emma goldman emotional body emotional reactions emotional triggers employee empowerment encouraging a child's imagination end times ending a relationship enemy energetic reactions energy energy addiction energy sucking vampires English singer-songwriters enki enlightenment enslavement entertainment weekly Environment (biophysical) environmental conditioning environmental degradation environmental pressures epigenetics epigenome epigenomics eqafe equal education equal money equal money capitalism equal money system equality equality and oneness eric clapton eric clapton's son's death erikson escape escaping reality escapism espionage eternal damnation eternal life ethics evading responsibility evasion everyone is special evolution evolutionary psychology excitement excitement and health excuse exercycle exhaustion existence existential history expansion expectations experience exploitation extinction extinction bursts eyes wide open face value facing consequences facing the music facts and figures FAFSA fail failing at life failure faith fake personality falling asleep in class falling from grace falling in love false beliefs families family family dynamics family life family psychology family unit famous drum break fantasy FAPs fashion fast food fast food life fear fear of coercion fear of control fear of death fear of failure fearful fearing our own fear fearmonger feature nets february 23 feel good memories feeling feeling stuck feellings feet female femininity fight fight or flight filtering reality through perception final exams finances financial aid financial freedom financial stability finding yourself fixed action patterns fixed mindset fizzle out flea flight of fancy flirt flirtatiousness flying focus follicle following my greatest excitement following my highest excitement following through with change following your highest excitement food food not bombs fool's gold foot force force to be reckoned with forgive Forgiveness formative years frankenstein freaking out free all sentient beings free enterprise free market free speech free spirit free will freedom freedom and control freedom of the press freshman year of college Freud frustration fuck you funny times fusion future future projection game of thrones game theory games gandhi gap between rich and poor gender gender performance in math and science gender roles gene expression generalized suppression genes Genesis genetic mutations genetics genetics and the environment genome genomics gentleness genuine george orwell gestures get the picture getting a job getting a tattoo getting ahead getting enough rest getting into grad school getting my blood drawn getting robbed getting sick getting sliced open getting things done getting to know yourself ghetto ghost girl girl power give as you would like to receive giving my power away giving up glamor glamorous god god consciousness godzilla going back to college google gospel gotye grades grading system graduate degree in psychology graduation grateful grateful dead gratefully deadicated graven image gravestone greatest hits greek mythology growing pains growth mindset guilt guru guts gym class habit haha hair hair styles haircut hairstyle handmade hannah montana hansel and gretel happiness happiness machines hard working haste hastiness haunt haunted headaches Health heartbeat heaven heaven on earth heaven's journey to life hell hell on earth helping children with homework helpless helplessness heroin heroine hesitation heuristics HGP hide and seek hideousness hiding high highest excitement hippie histones hobo hold your horses hollow shell of beingness hollywood hollywood movie home homeless homunculus homunculus argument homunculus fallacy honesty hope how are you doing? how do i let go of memories? how do I stop social anxiety how much sleep should I get? how to ask for help how to become a psychologist how to breathe how to change the world how to change yourself how to communicate effectively how to control reactions how to cope with anxiety how to cope with stress how to cure depression how to deal with being special how to find your voice how to get rid of negative vibes how to get your child to play sports how to keep a secret how to keep traditions alive how to live off of student loans how to love yourself how to make a change for good how to make a change that lasts how to make big decisions effectively how to make coffee how to make money in the music industry how to manage anxiety how to not be influenced by others how to optimize the decision making process how to practically change the world how to raise a child how to raise children how to stay committed how to stop anxiousness how to stop arrogance how to stop being a failure how to stop being an attention whore how to stop being fake how to stop being hasty how to stop comparing myself to others how to stop fear how to stop rushing how to stop self-pity how to study effectively human behavior human biology human connectome project human development human extinction human genome project human machine human nature human race human resources human rights human robotics human sciences human suffering humanity humans 99% bacteria humble humbleness hump humpty dumpty hurry up hurrying hype I am a failure i am a writer I am fake i am life I am not good at math I am special i am useless I can't I can't change i can't do anything I can't do it I can't do this I can't stay focused i cannot change I do not care i don't care I don't have time for this I don't trust myself I feel helpless I feel useless i just want you to be happy I know who I am I want your attention I'm scared id identity idle if this then that ignorance illusion illusion of self image image and likeness imagination imagination and christmas imagination and genius imagine impatience impossible in the air tonight in the name of inadequacy indie individuality indoctrination inequality inescapable aversive stimulation inferior inferiority infiltration infinite growth infinite regress infinite regression information insanity insecurity insignificance insomnia instant gratification integrating knowledge intellect intelligence intelligence test interdimensional portal internal clock internet intimacy investigate all things irony is freedom necessary? is psychology a science? is there life after death? isolation it's all been a pack of lies J.B. Watson jack kerouac jamie hewlett jazz jealousy jerry garcia jesus jewelry design job job hunting job well done jobs John B Watson john lennon joining a dating club journey to life journy to life JTL judge judgment judgment day junior high earth science junkie just justice justification justify karen pryor keep focused on the positive keep your enemies close keeping score keeping the peace kicking back kill the buddha kill your television killing time knowledge knowledge and information knowledge is power labels labor labor movement laboratory lacking direction land of pure imagination language language acquisition lao tzu lawbreakers lawlessness learned behavior learned helplessness learning learning algebra learning how to communicate with others learning how to walk learning to write lee left for dead left to die legacy legion of fans leigh let go of what you think you know let the force be with you liar liar liar liberty lie lie to me lies life life after death life as fantasy life choices life decisions life experience life force life in the fast lane life science lifeless lifestyle light light at the end of the tunnel lily collins limitation limitless lindsay lindsay craver lindsay lee lindsay lee craver lindsay's journey to life linguistics listening to the radio little kid little man living living a lie living by a moral code living by principles living dead living expression living in the past living the dream living the good life living the solution living without internet living without money living word living words LOA local fair LOL looking for a job looking for results love love and coercion love as leverage love thy neighbor loving family loving thy neighbor as thyself lying lying to myself lyrics machines mad scientist made of the same substance madness make something of yourself making a difference making commitments making effective decisions making up stories male male and female brain development man man know thyself management managing tasks manic depressive manifest consequence manipulating results of an exam manipulation manual labor manufacturing of consent marine snail - aplysia mark twain marketing marriage Martin Seligman mass media mass murderers massacre matrix maturity may all beings be free of suffering maze mcdonalds me meaning meaningful meaningless meat eater media mediocrity meditation meditation and stress meditation cushion megalomania memorabilia memories memorizing memory menial menial task mental case mental disorder mental health mental health field merry go round metanoia methods of control methylation microbiome migraines mike brodie miley cyrus new hair august 2012 mind mind consciousness system mind control mind demon mind games mind illusions mind map mind possession mind tricks mind-movie miracles mirror misinformed miss information mistakes models of virtue money money bags money system monster monster character monster under the bed monsters monstrosity Moral responsibility morality motion pictures motivation movement movie MTV multiple personalities multiple personality disorder multitasking murder murder-suicide murray sidman muscle cramps music music and nostalgia music for profit musical taste my biggest fear my life is a joke my life is too busy myoclonic jerk mythology naked name names naomi klein narrative nash equilibrium natty dread natural disasters natural laws natural selection nature vs. human nature vs. nurture naught and nice need to prove something negative negative reinforcement negativity neighborism neo-darwinism neural pathways neuroplasticity neuropsychology neuroscience never finishing a book never never land new scientist journal new world newspaper route Newton no man is an island noam chomsky noble noble path nobody cares nominal fallacy norman rockwell not enough time not getting enough sleep not good enough nothing can be trusted nothing is impossible nothingness notice me oatmeal scotchies obedience obese obsession occam's razor occupational psychology on the road oneness open discussion operant aggression operant conditioning operant selection opinion oregon organic robot oryoki osho ostracized other people's thoughts ouroboros out of body experience out of focus overwhelming overwhelmingness pangs of regret panic paper route paperboy parallel universe parasite parental neglect parenting parenting styles parents parsimony partner partnerships passion and career choice past patchwork clothing pathological liar patience patterning patterns peace peace on earth peek-a-boo peptides perceived limitation perception perfection performance tests performing well in college personalities personality personality disorder personality disorders personality traits pheonix rising phil collins Philip David Charles Collins philosophical reasoning philosophy Philosophy of Mind phish shows physical physical behavior physical body physical environment physical exercise physical punishment physical reactions physical tasks physical work physically exhausted physics picture picture presentation piece of shit pills pixie planned obsolescence plants vs. zombies playing characters pleiadian agenda pleiadians poetry point of view policeman in the head politics pollution pomposity poor college student poor college students portland positive positive and negative experiences positive experiences positive psychology positive reinforcement positivism positivity possession postponement poverty power powerless powerlessness powerlessness psychology practical living practical time management pre-show partying predictable behavior preprogamming preprogramming preproramming prevention is the best cure prevention is the best medicine prison prisoner probability problem solving solutions process support procrastination prodigal son product production quotas products profit program programming promises propaganda props on a stage prostrations pseudoscience psychiatry psychoanalysis Psychological manipulation psychological warfare psychologist psychology psychology of careers psychology of excellence psychology of fear psychology of focus psychology of lying psychology of music psychology of passion psychology of relationships psychology of santa claus psychology of sleeping psychology today psychopathology psychosis psywar public indignation public relations public servant pulling yourself up by your bootstraps punishment punitive measures of control punitive methods of control punk bands punk rock puppet on a string purity putting on a show quantum mind quantum moment quantum time quarantine quest quick and dirty rage raised by a television raising awareness raising children rat race rate of response rats in a maze raw foodist raw foods reaction reactions real change Reality realization realizations rebellion rebellion and punishment rebirthing recipes recollection red hot chili peppers redefining redefinition reflexive aggression regret regretting the past rehabilitation reinforcement reinforcement/punishment relationship relationship psychology relationships relationships of fear relaxation relaxation techniques religion religion of self remarkable people remember reminder remove the plank from your own eye renunciation repetition reptilians resistance resisting control resisting studying response threshold responsibility rest rest at peace result resurrection revolt reward reward and punishment rewards rhythm right and wrong righteousness rigorous rise against rising living standards risk everything road trip robot slave robot zombie robots rock and roll role playing ronald mcdonald routine running away running away from myself rush rushing sabotage mechanism sandy hook sanitation satisfaction satya saved by god scanning the radio schizophrenia science science and profit scientific deductive reasoning scientific discoveries scientific responsibility scott cook scott krukowski screenplay scrooge mcduck search party secret secret admirer secret agent secret desires secret history secret mind secret service secrets secrets hopes seeing mistakes as opportunities to grow selection by consequence self and environment self forgiveness self honesty self-abuse self-acceptance self-awareness self-beliefs self-care self-change self-commitment self-control self-deception self-defeat self-delusion self-denial self-direction self-discipline self-discovery self-distrust self-empowerment self-esteem self-evident self-expansion self-expression self-forgiveness self-gratification self-hate self-help self-honesty self-image self-interest self-intimacy self-investigation self-judgment self-knowledge self-love self-manipulation self-manipulation tactics self-modification self-pity self-realization self-realizations self-regarding behavior self-relationship self-responsibility self-reward self-righteousness self-sabotage self-scientist self-support self-treatment self-trust self-worth self-writing selfish desire selfish desires Selfridge separation SES and learned helplessness settling sex sex drugs and rock and roll sex education sex slave sex trafficking sexuality sexy sexy smart women shame shattered glass shave shaved head shikantaza shock doctrine shortsightedness should DTC genetic tests be regulated? shower shower door showering shutting down siamese twins sibling rivalry sickness and health sidman signing contracts silence simple living simplicity sinner sins of the fathers sintology sisyphus sitcoms skeleton Skinner skinny skull skull tattoo skydiving slang slave driver slavery sleep deprived sleeper agent sleeping sleeping patterns sleeping through waking life sleepy head sliding glass door slow down slowing down smoking pot snap judgments sneak attack snobbery social anxiety social control social darwinism social deviance social disruption social engineering social environment social interaction social interactions social norms social psychology Social Sciences social skills social withdraw socialization society socio-economic status and education socio-political problems sociology solutions soul soul of money soul to squeeze sound of music soundtrack of my life south beach diet speak softly and carry a big stick special spelling spinning words spiritual journey spiritual psychology spiritual quest spirituality spite spoken word poetry spy spy character spying stability stand in my name standing as an example standing without crutches starting over starvation starving child statistics stats stay away from the negative staying focused stepping into character stepping out of character steroids stewart ewen stimulus and response stimulus control stimulus response stopping old patterns stopping the mind straight A's strength strength of mind stress stress and survival stress management stressing over grad school application strong strong woman strung out student student loan debt student loans studies study of behavior study of the self Study skills study tips studying studying for college studying psychology studying the self stupid head style subservience success suffering suicide sunette spies sunettespies super hero super powers super size superego superhero superior supply and demand support suppression survival survival of the fittest survival system surviving surviving through college sustainability sustainable living swami swamp thing sweeping things under the rug sweepstakes prize system 1 thinking take your time hurry up taking exams talking back and forth inside myself talking in my head talking to myself tank girl tantrum tao te ching task tat tattoo tattoo artist tattoo shop tattooed tattoos tautologies tautologous reasoning teaching your children to behave teamlife tears in heaven teenage teenage rebellion teenager television television as parents temptation terror terrorism the ancient secret to the flower of life the art of giving up the art of sleeping the artist's way the best the best kept secret the chicken and the egg the chosen one the drive for success the end the end of the world the end of time the epigenetic revolution the evil nature of man the folly of knowledge the golden rule the harder they come the hidden agenda of control the human experience the illusion of self the law of parsimony the lies we tell ourselves the living flesh the mathematics of consequence the meaning of freedom the meaning of words the mind The New York Times the one the passionate life the philosophy or psychology the physics of force the polaroid kid the polaroid kidd the power of beliefs the power of writing the predictability of human behavior the process of transformation the psychology of awareness the psychology of behavior the psychology of burnout the psychology of change the psychology of entertainment the psychology of forgiveness The Psychology of Insanity the psychology of learning the psychology of parenting the psychology of regret the psychology of self-deception the psychology of sleep the psychology of time the rich club of the brain the road to financial freedom the science of behavior the secret history the secret history of the universe the self: the greatest trick every played the shadow self the shock doctrine the star of the show the stories we tell ourselves the story of your enslavement the stuff of nightmares the trap the truth the truth hurts the truth of existence the walking dead the world is scary theft theories on personality development thinking thinking process thorn in my foot thought thoughts thoughts as god threat threats from nature thrift store throwing tantrums tick tock tied down time time as dictator time loop time management time management skills time zone timeless timeloop timothy leary tits to be free too tired to change the world tools top worst jobs torture tossing and turning touch tough tour traditional nuclear family tragedy train hopping training bra transference transformation trap trapped traveling traveling for a living true true blood trust trustworthy truth trying to escape reality trying to find a way out tuning out turning a blind eye tutoring tyranny uncharted territory of the mind unconscious mind under the bridge underground scene understanding depression unemployment rates unity universal substance university unscience unscientific us vs. them mentality uselessness using music to cope utah utterance vampire vampires vegan vegetarian VH1 vibrations violence virtue visual perception vlog vlogging voice in my head voice in the head voice recorder voices in my head voices in the head volunteering vulnerability vulnerable vying for attention wake the fuck up wake up and smell the coffee walking walking a schedule effectively walking through change walking through resistance wanting recognition wanting to be something war war and peace water weakness weapons wearing the pants what happens when we die? what is life? what is truth? when is change real? where do we go when we die? Who am I? why am I always so anxious? why are we here? why can't I stop lying why do I always feel so inferior? why do we have to pay to live? why television is brainwashing wikipedia william burroughs win wolf in sheep's clothing woman wondering what might have been word manipulation word recognition words work worker's rights working working a newspaper route working and going to college full time working the night shift working together world change world conflict world destruction world peace world system wrinkles writer writer's block writing writing daily writing on the wall yesterday today and tomorrow young adult your brain lies to you your way right away youth zazen Zen zen buddhism zen meditation Zen monastery zen priest zombie zombies