For the purpose
of context suggest reading the post above, if you haven’t already, before
proceeding.
********************************
In further looking at this point of hesitation,
specifically in relation to positive reinforcement and how I have within and
throughout my life utilized hesitation as a form of positive reinforcement, as through
the act of escaping into myself to entertain an array of stories as
thoughts/internal-conversations/imaginations I created an illusion of relief
from what appeared through my own judgment to be stressful circumstances which
I, in separation from myself, attributed to my environment as a point of blame
– refusing to realize that I was the source of my own stress which I allowed to
be triggered by my environment in separation from myself. So, although the
environment would be the trigger, I am indeed the one that emits the behavior
and thus ensures the probability of its repeating, thus I am the one that
decides who I will be within the stimulus that I am presented with, especially
over time, as I produce a steady, habitual point of predictability in my
behavior – especially when it is additionally reinforced by those in my
environment who, in this case of hesitation, also emit this same behavior and
this is indeed how we together as humanity and alone as individuals reinforce
the entire collective behavior of hesitation through distracting/entertaining
ourselves within our minds without question, thus keeping this behavior repeating
generation after generation after generation as a massive conglomeration of
positive reinforcement: never fully here in physical reality, always an excuse
away from responsibility.
When investigating the onset of this behavior of
hesitation, it can indeed be a bit tricky when determining who is in fact
responsible in terms of for example behavior that is reinforced by a parent
when the individual is an infant and thus does not have the ability to decide
how they will respond to for instance stress from their environment specifically
due to being born into a poverty-stricken family, as at this stage the stress
is especially a biological point in relation to hormones, epigenetics and the
pruning process of neurons in relation to what gets attention and what doesn’t;
which certainly ‘sets the stage’ for how the infant will approach stress as
they develop, as they ‘build character’ from these early experiences in their
formative years which ‘evolve’ into an entire schematic belief system which we
can see is extremely difficult to break out of – yet…it can be done.
For further context,
especially in relation to what is occurring within a child in the formative
years of their development, I strongly recommend checking out the series: Parenting
- Perfecting the Human Race
I mention this point to simply show how this
investigation is indeed multi-dimensional – yet what must be realized is that
the participation in such behavior can and will always lead back to self, thus
self-responsibility, if one dares be self-honest, as we cannot discount the
nature of the environment with which we have all ‘had a hand’ in creating
through our direct or tacit agreement and that, through this, we are equal to
our environment in every way. Thus, when we see the problem, and we are
self-honest, there is no other ‘choice’ then but to become the solution.
For now however, I am placing the multi-dimensionality
aside and primarily honing in on this point of positive reinforcement and the
continued acceptance and allowance of hesitation that I am responsible for sustaining
in terms of the acceptance and allowance of missed breaths within my daily
life, now – as I am most certainly in a position where I am fully capable of
changing/correcting this behavior through the process of taking responsibility
to slowly but surely decrease and eventually completely eliminate the amount of
breaths being missed in a day, and so increase awareness, effectiveness and
self-directiveness, and so in this becoming the solution to what I see clearly
is maladaptive behavior I have accepted and allowed; and I make this happen
especially through the positive reinforcement of writing, self-forgiveness, and
self-corrective living application – this segues nicely into the next point
I’ve been investigating, which I see that, due to time-constraints, I require
to continue with in my next post where I will be addressing and exploring this
point of how I am able to utilize this process of writing, self-forgiveness,
and self-corrective living application as a positively reinforced behavior to
assist and support myself in transforming this programmed/conditioned behavior
of hesitation into a self-expressed living behavior that is directly aligned
with/to/as what is best for all Life.
To be continued…













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